- Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM) 2020
“I don’t even know where to start!”
How to Talk to Young People about Healthy Relationships & Teen Dating Violence
- Ask open-ended questions and listen to the answers. Don’t start with advice or comments.
- Stay Calm and as non-judgemental as possible when talking.
- Model healthy relationships and healthy relationship behaviors, including conflict resolutions and owning your emotions. You–not your dating partner–are responsible for managing your emotions.
- Talk early and often about consent. Consent should always be a clear “Yes” that is freely and enthusiastically given!
- Talk about rigid gender roles and stereotypes and how those expectations can hurt us and our relationships.
- Start building your open dialogue about relationships early and be consistent, so that over time these difficult conversations are normalized.
- Start your talk by talking about healthy dating standards and establishing boundaries, rather than dating violence to avoid shaming and shutdown of the conversation.
- Be vulnerable and share some of your “appropriate” adult/youth experiences or mistakes from dating and in relationships. Trusting young people with your difficult experiences and emotions can make them more likely to share with you when they are ready.
- Do not force the conversation–they will speak when they are ready.
- Talk about the ongoing work that healthy relationships require. Help them to establish their own healthy standards and boundaries and to understand healthy vs. abusive relationships (See definitions and warning signs).
- If you suspect a young person is in an unhealthy relationship:
- Be there to offer support
- Talk about behaviors and not the person
- Avoid ultimatums
- Help connect them to resources (including Project PAVE)
- Help them to make a plan to safely end the relationship
Healthy Relationship Behaviors:
- Open, safe and honest communication
- Trust & Acceptance
- Clear Boundaries that respect each partner’s needs
- Mutual love and respect
- Sharing of power equally
- Taking responsibility for emotions and actions
What is Teen Dating Violence?
A pattern of actual or threatened acts of physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse, used by an adolescent against a current or former dating partner. The abusive teen uses this pattern of violent and coercive behavior, in a heterosexual or same sex dating relationship, in order to gain power and maintain control over the dating partner.
Warning Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship:
- Possessiveness and extreme jealousy
- Unexplained marks or bruises.
- Partner uses threats, shame, blame, and guilt to control their partner
- Using coercion to get sex or physical intimacy
- Partner emails or texts excessively.
- Being told what to wear or do by partner
- Isolation–no longer participating in activities or interests or spending time with friends/family
- Partner has a history of dating violence/has been abused
- Using rigid gender roles to police behavior
- Young person begins to show signs of anxiety/depression
Love is Respect Teen Dating Violence Helpline for Immediate Assistance:
Dial 1-866-331-9474, chat at www.loveisrespect.org or text “loveis” to 22522.
COVID-19 UPDATE FOR OUR COMMUNITY
Caring for Youth & Day-to-day Work (Getting Creative!)
- All of our staff are working from home and using video conferencing to stay in touch and on top of work!
- Intervention Team members are staying connected to as many youth and families as possible via video-conference, phone, and email helping clients to stay safe and manage trauma and other difficulties as they arise. Our team also offers vital support to gain access to financial, food, and other assistance.
- Prevention Team members are working on web-based content to push out to youth who would otherwise be at our in-person sessions and providing consultation to other professionals who are working remotely as well.
- Youth Educators are meeting remotely, exchanging a lot of texts, emails, and calls. They are a vital source of ideas and will be helping us create new content to reach others virtually.
Financial Stability (Holding Strong!)
- As of today, we are not projecting any immediate need to drastically reduce our expenses thanks to years of careful budgeting and financial management. We are proactively working on a budget contingency plan and policies that will allow us to continue our work without significant interruptions.
- We’ve been in touch with most of our major funders (government, private, foundations) and don’t anticipate any interruptions to grant funds at this time but anticipate some losses in other areas.
Transformations Luncheon 2020 (GOING VIRTUAL!)
- Our annual celebration will be different, but we’re excited about what we can do virtually to connect with each of you and highlight the amazing young people of Project PAVE. This event is a major fundraiser to support our work so we hope many of you will still be able to participate!
- Our team is working on a new experience that allows anyone to join us, no matter how far away you are! Stay tuned for more details.
We recognize that isolation of any type can be incredibly stressful on youth and their families, especially those who are experiencing violence or who are recovering from trauma and now find themselves disconnected from their schools and the resources they provide. PAVE is here and we are continuing to reach as many youth as possible. We are incredibly grateful for your ongoing support to help us provide continued services!
Please be in touch with any questions or if the PAVE team can be of assistance to you.
Virtual Transformations Luncheon Update:
We have made the difficult but appropriate decision to not host our Transformations Luncheon on May 5th. This decision is made with guidance from the CDC and public health officials in Colorado to cancel large events and also aligns with PAVE’s vision of safe communities.
In the coming days, we will share what we have planned in its place to provide much-needed funds to support our work to end violence in our community and to allow us all to celebrate extraordinary youth changemakers. During these challenging times, we will need your support to continue serving young people, families, and our community.
Today and every day, PAVE remains committed to our mission and to safe, healthy communities. Together, we will get through this!
Stay tuned for more updates coming soon!
The PAVE Team
It’s Teen Violence Awareness Month!
Take some time this month to talk to your teen, friend or peer about healthy relationships.
You can now donate all or part of your state tax refund to Project PAVE! PAVE’s registration number to enter on your tax return is:
Creative Ways to Support PAVE
Do you shop at King Soopers? Support PAVE while you shop!!!
If you connect your King Soopers card to Project PAVE, King Soopers will donate directly to PAVE every time you shop!
To register, go to www.kingsoopers.com and log in to your account. Once logged into your King Soopers or City Market account, search for Project PAVE Inc. either by name or DD585 and then click Enroll.
New users will need to create an account which requires some basic information, a valid email address and a loyalty card.
Let’s raise awareness together!
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